Movies

February 27th, 2011 at 11:35 am

When will the Coen Brothers adapt Blood Meridian?

The Social Network. Billionaires have such important problems. The rest of us suffer through movies of their depositions.

The King’s Speech. Kings have such important problems. The rest of us suffer through their impediments.

Black Swan. Ballerinas have such important problems. The rest of us suffer through their delusional cuticles.

The Kids Are Alright. Lesbians have such important problems. The rest of us fantasize about Mark Ruffalo.

The Fighter. Boxers have such important problems. Like how to stop beating the shit out of each other.

Inception. Dreamers have such important problems. The rest of us have to worry about reality and are simply bored.

Toy Story 3. Toys have such important problems. The rest of us don’t have near the imagination or creativity to make movies this consistently well, despite this one (and The Incredibles) being a bit too long.

127 Hours. Hikers have such important problems. The rest of us sip martinis from boulder-free bars.

Wake me up when James Franco and Anne Hathaway have a threesome with Johnny Depp.

Or Exit Through the Gift Shop wins.

charlie burn Banksy



Reading High Art

October 13th, 2010 at 4:25 pm

So I was reading “Beverly Hills, 90210: Where Are They Now?” and came across this brilliant nugget:

“Most recently Jennie [Garth] starred in a web series on iVillage called “Garden Party” that’s sponsored by Hidden Valley Ranch and promotes healthy eating for kids.”

iVillage. Garden Party. Hidden Valley Ranch. Healthy Eating.

I don’t know where to begin so I’m just going to enjoy this fit of guttural laughter.

But it gets me thinking about my favorite show and where its colorful cast of characters are now.

America's Funniest Videos

That old man who slipped off the dock? The dog chasing the laser pointer? The Dad who got smacked by the pinata? The limber old lady dancing in the back yard who gets blindsided by a Labrador and stumbles sideways into a lawn chair…where is she now? Whatever happened to her? The kid on the skate board who flew over the fence and into the bushes? Is he okay?

And for those purists out there, feel free to just read the descriptions of the show:

“A man has a run-in with a squirrel hiding in his chimney; a woman faints at a surprise party being thrown for her; a bride’s veil catches fire; videos from Oklahoma.”

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!