The Rest is Noise by Alex Ross

July 17th, 2008 at 4:50 pm

The Rest is Noise by Alex Ross

As a recovering Band Nerd, I assumed that this book, subtitled “Listening to The Twentieth Century,” would be an enjoyable companion to my amateur musical education. I have had the privilege of performing hundreds of renowned musical compositions, from Gershwin to Hindemith, and even conducted several hundred marching musicians playing Dvorak’s New World Symphony. Attending grade school in Connecticut, I can even remember a relative of Charles Ives visiting our music class and telling us disinterested ankle-biters about her famous composer-relative.

But alas, The Rest is Noise is a book about classical music.

A book. About classical music.

It’s a bit like macramé about kite flying. That is, an obscure, archaic, and largely ignored medium conveying a rather dismissed subject. A quilt about baking contests? Stained glass about some dead dude on a cross? An election to decide world leaders?

Ross does acknowledge that, “Classical music is widely mocked as a stuck-up, sissified, intrinsically un-American pursuit.”

Though critically acclaimed, well enough written, and well researched (the result of 15 years of being a music critic), I found The Rest Is Noise to be rather dull, a bit boring, and overall, a lot of work to read. It’s 543 pages of, “…for example, in The Anaemic Rag chains of thirds unwind over an open-fifth ostinato.” And that’s an example, which is supposed to be an instance serving illustration, but I had no idea what an ostinato was and Word spell check wants ostinato to be “obstinate,” even though ostinato is simply a constantly recurring melodic fragment.

Ross absolutely excels at bringing the music he is talking about to life with evocative and stirring descriptions, but I found myself pleading to just listen to the music itself. I can only hope that they will publish an edition with a supplementary CD so a reader can pause and listen to samples of this music that seems to matter so much. Does the audio edition already have some of the music playing with it? I can only imagine that such an endeavor would be a lawyer’s nightmare with the endless rights and clearances and royalties. (The same problem is why The Wonder Years is not on DVD. All that damn music.)

While the historical context portrayed by The Rest is Noise is enlightening and the composer’s lives that are detailed therein are only mildly interesting, it is the music and the music alone that emerges as worthwhile. So in that, Alex Ross, as a critic, has achieved something great with this book. It makes me want to actually listen to some of this music he talks so damn much about.

Though classical music seems to have been quite full of homosexuals and drugs. Take that Rock and Roll!



Wall-E

May 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm

So there’s this new movie coming out from the hard working people at Pixar called Wall-E. Perhaps you’ve heard of the hard working people at Pixar? They’re renowned for making “good” movies like Ratatouille, Cars, The Incredibles, Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc, A Bug’s Life, and the Toys Story.

Perhaps you’ve heard of Wall-E. It comes out June 27, 2008.

I liked Wall-E the first time when it was called Short Circuit.

Wall-E poster

Short Circuit poster

And the second time when it was called Short Circuit 2.

What was wrong with Short Circuit? Sure, Toy Story was a cute movie, but does it star Steve Guttenberg? Maybe they should have called it Shorty-C…

But if the hard working people at Pixar are so brilliant, why does Wall-E look like Johnny Five?

Wall-EShort Circuit

Sony’s going to sue somebody!

And there is no possible way that Wall-E will be able to compete with Short Circuit. It has one of the finest lines in the history of cinema:

“Hey, laser lips, your mother was a snow blower!”



Radiohead’s Pot of Gold

October 2nd, 2007 at 7:08 pm

The author of hundreds and hundreds if not thousands and thousands of brilliant fucking songs and clearly the Best Rock Band Ever, Radiohead, recently announced that fans will be able to choose whatever price they want to pay for their new album, In Rainbows.

The news crashed the band’s website.

And evidently, most people are opting for the hefty, full retail price to get the discbox and not being petty and downloading the album for only a penny.

That’s something that only American Idol fans would do.



Whining For Amy

August 29th, 2007 at 3:56 pm

The father-in-law of the author of a handful of hit songs is pleading with his daughter’s fans to boycott Amy Winehouse’s music in an attempt to pry her from the desperate clutches of drugs.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Parents. Fucking narcs.

Sure, you’ll have your daughter back alive and well, but once she cleans up, her music will suffer and certainly become mediocre, and that us fans will have to suffer through. No thanks.

Amy, you musicians come from a long, distinguished and storied line of users and abusers. But your music always kicks ass! Work through it. You’ll figure it out. I have faith. But tread carefully, heroin has killed many brilliant musicians. How wonderful would this world be if we still had Blind Melon and Sublime? There probably wouldn’t be any War. Only Peace. Certainly No Rain.

And is it me, or is Amy Winehouse the lesbian-love-progeny of Tallulah Bankhead and Sarah Silverman?




My Current New-Favorite Book-Related Band

August 10th, 2007 at 3:16 pm

The Books

The Books are:

artsy.
experimental.
modern.
post-modern.
post-colonial.
clearly into “Found sounds” and collages of sounds.
silly.
the polar opposite of Britney Spears.
having nothing to do with books.
having everything to do with books.
un-listenable.
the kind of music you would only really enjoy while high and on the verge of sleep.
better than elevator music, worse than The Rolling Stones.
blissfully oblivious to the concepts of ‘the hook,’ verse, chorus, and the three chord progression.
clearly only popular among a sub-group of hipster elites who only like them because they will clearly be the only ones liking them.
lo-fi.
keen on barely clever-cute titles like “Explanation Mark,” and “Thought For Food.”



Author Dolly Parton’s Dollywood to Get New Kick-Ass Ride

August 2nd, 2007 at 4:20 pm

Author Dolly Parton’s Dollywood has announced the start of construction on “River Battle,” a $5 million water ride that involves guns, targets, and innocent bystanders.

Take that Grand Theft Auto.

According to Dollywood.com, “As the rafts navigate the waters, the battle
begins as passengers, each armed with a soaker gun, take aim at each
other and more than 100 targets along the way, including large-scale
“talking animals”—beavers, skunks, otters, bears and more. Some of the
targets shoot back while others display a variety of special effects,
creating surprises at every turn and ensuring that no two rides are
ever exactly the same. River Battle also engages park guests along the
ride’s banks. While rafters are soaking each other in raft-to-raft
sparring, they also can “shoot” observers along the way in
“raft-to-shore” fun.”

And in case the irony of ‘guns’ ‘shooting’ ‘water’ on ‘beavers’ at Dolly Parton’s Dollywood is lost on anyone, the homepage of the site features an image of Dolly and a quote of hers expressing that, “My one wish for you during your visit to Dollywood is that the wonder of the Great Smoky Mountains will touch your heart.”

Mountains indeed.