Final Harry Potter Movie to be Twice as Moving

March 14th, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Warner Bros. Pictures has announced that J.K. Rowling’s final Harry Potter book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” will not be adapted into merely one piddly little major motion picture, but two.

Which is twice as many movies.

And, if my math is right, twice as much money to be made. Why didn’t J.K. think of this! She could have just cut that thick slab of a book right in half and sold twice as many books. Simple math! There could have been a Deathlier Halloweeniers.

But of course, the decision to double the Harry Potter pleasure is being justified by only the utmost of creative and artistic reasons to remain loyal to the source material.

Of course.

I smell a rat.

This is the exact same tactic employed by the publishing executives reigning over Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance series. It’s a whore’s market. And we’re all sluts.

With a recession in full bloom, it’s time to pull out all the stops, all the gimmicks. Give away free books. Turn the books 90 degrees.

Whatever it takes.

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