Bowl of Cherries by Millard Kaufman

October 19th, 2007 at 3:58 pm

I have just finished reading Bowl of Cherries, the debut novel from nonagenarian, Oscar-nominee, and Mr. Magoo co-creator Millard Kaufman.

Kaufman is a precocious writer, unabashedly using phrases like “wee beasties,” and this particular tale is indeed cut from the same cloth as Catcher in the Rye. In fact, given all the secrecy and reclusive nature surrounding J.D. Salinger, I’m going to go ahead and spin the rumor mill: Millard Kaufman IS J.D. Salinger.

Millard also displays a mighty vocabulary in Bowl of Cherries, rivaling that of Michael Chabon’s The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. Have dictionaries at your side for both.

Supposedly, Kaufman is at work on his second novel and I could not be looking forward to more phrases like, “He had a hard grin on his face, the Plexiglass fixity of a TV hero about to kick calamitous ass.” Plexiglass fixity? Kick calamitous ass? Yes and yes.

The most bestest and my favorite part of the book comes when the protagonist asks his love interest if she is having a nice day and she answers, “I didn’t get fucked. But I sneezed twice.” From now on, if anybody asks how my day is going, that is how I shall answer. Unless of course I’ve gotten laid.

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