Author Dolly Parton’s Dollywood to Get New Kick-Ass Ride

August 2nd, 2007 at 4:20 pm

Author Dolly Parton’s Dollywood has announced the start of construction on “River Battle,” a $5 million water ride that involves guns, targets, and innocent bystanders.

Take that Grand Theft Auto.

According to, “As the rafts navigate the waters, the battle
begins as passengers, each armed with a soaker gun, take aim at each
other and more than 100 targets along the way, including large-scale
“talking animals”—beavers, skunks, otters, bears and more. Some of the
targets shoot back while others display a variety of special effects,
creating surprises at every turn and ensuring that no two rides are
ever exactly the same. River Battle also engages park guests along the
ride’s banks. While rafters are soaking each other in raft-to-raft
sparring, they also can “shoot” observers along the way in
“raft-to-shore” fun.”

And in case the irony of ‘guns’ ‘shooting’ ‘water’ on ‘beavers’ at Dolly Parton’s Dollywood is lost on anyone, the homepage of the site features an image of Dolly and a quote of hers expressing that, “My one wish for you during your visit to Dollywood is that the wonder of the Great Smoky Mountains will touch your heart.”

Mountains indeed.

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